Alrighty, so I'm graduating on Saturday, and I'm going to Italy for 6 weeks on Sunday! Of course I'm excited! It's for an immersion program... so I won't be able to speak any english or communicate in english really for a month and a half, but I will be writing in italian and english in my blog online... here's the link! theradiantlady.blogspot.com/
read. comment. let me know how america is doing!
All of these prayers I list are for members of my family. I wrote them while in meditation and I'm not ashamed to say that I was crying my eyes out as I wrote these. My family is in much pain, and it wasn't until yesterday that I physically felt the burden upon my back as well. Something in me just cried out and I just.... I just HAD to pray for them. Rather than focusing on all the hardships they face, I simply wrote the things that I pray for each one as a list. Here is that list:
Mom - health, strength, happiness, peace, freedom, positivity, prosperity, love, patience,hope
Wina - I pray that she realizes her self-worth, strength, happiness, love, success, prosperity, hope
Dad - understanding, love, friends, forgiveness, guidance, hope
Mema - peace, happiness, strength, friends, health, love, positivity, understanding, hope
Grandma Mollie - strength, love, friends, family, health, hope
Grandaddy - positivity, happiness, strength, health, love, friends, family, peace, joy, I pray that he never finds himself alone, for no one is alone in Jesus, hope
Keisha - happiness, patience, love, friends, family, guidance, freedom from stress, hope
Aunt Barbara - happiness, joy peace, guidance, health, strength, faith, love, hope
Aunt Brenda - freedom, peace, joy , guidance, strength, health, love, success, hope
Janice - Love, understanding, patience, guidance, peace, friends, prosperity, faith, success, hope
Little Ricky - Love, understanding, patience, guidance, faith, peace, hope
Lakita - health, love, freedom, prosperity, success, hope
I pray my family find all of these things through the power of God. One thing that went through my mind the entire time I wrote this down is the quote I shall close with:
"And Because God is the Greatest Power, We Shall Not Be Defeated"
Sure enough, another day does come.
Today a lot of extra work fell into my lap for my Directed Research in Developmental Biology course. It's entirely a lab-based course which I'm taking under Dr. Sweet whom I already do research under. I've taken two other courses by her, and TA-ed for her Developmental Biology class last quarter. It's no great surprise that she decided to give me extra work. In fact, I see it as a testament to the responsible person she sees me as. Maybe she sees some sort of brilliance in me that I've yet to tap into myself.
And speaking of undergraduate research, I got my fellowship from RIT to stay and do undergraduate research over summer! I handed in the proposal on February 4th and I'd been freaking out about it since, but my project is a go and I am incredibly surprised/excited about it. Now I have something wonderful to put on my resume and grad school application.
Though sadly, as I watched MLB tonight, the Braves horrendously lost to the Rockies because Glavine decided to not pitch as well he should have. Not to mention the set-up guy (Moyler I think it was?) let the Rockies score 2 runs at the top of the 8th. Also Colorado had this pitcher named Cook who all of a sudden flipped the script and wasn't letting anything get past him. It was 1-0 Braves winning up through the 7th inning til magically at the bottom of the 8th Colorado scored 2 runs, and then at the top of the 9th got a double play thus ending the game. *Sigh* Damnit guys. Atlanta what were you thinking? You beat the Mets twice, now you just left it all behind...
But the Nationals at least won the Presidential Opener at the new RFK stadium about a week back, so for that I am very glad. PS: Bush can't pitch to save his life.
I'm sure there was more I wanted to say, although right now I cannot think of it.
Sleep, sleep is what I need. Night all.
I don't get it, I don't get it at all.
It is quite possible that I am the biggest screw-up ever. And no, I really do mean that. I don't know what it is that causes me to screw up everything in life, but man am I good at it.
And you know, some days I wake up feeling so bad, and the day ends up being so wonderful. That is, until night comes. I'm never certain as to why exactly that happens, but it does.
The high points:
I finally got my license, and am on my way to getting a car
I quit my job because I'm not cut out for retail
I am now Assistant Director of Gospel Ensemble
I will present my research at the Imagine RIT spring festival
I am doing quite well in classes
The low points:
My mom had the flu, then pneumonia, and now her heart is even weaker, yet she goes to work anyway and every single day I live in the fear that she might die
My only sister is becoming more and more estranged to me
I've come to the realization that I don't know where my life is actually headed, and could it be I'm just playing myself? I really don't know.
I am not depressed, I am not drowning in this sorrow. But it is the mess that is my life and I do go through things and I have said it before I am only but so strong. And there is but so much a pat on the back or a hug or a simple "I'm sorry" can do.
I want change. I need change. I pray with all my might for it. Life has got to get better than this. It just... it just has to.
Hey guys, since this is my ranty-raving-depressed and shit livejournal I have decided to create a new one entirely. I don't know when I'll do this exactly but I will mention it.
Other than that I'd rather not rehash what seriously fucked-up things are going on in my life right now.
That is all.
No really. Cas that would be amazing.
Week 10 everyone. The worst week of the worst quarter of the one "make-or-break-me" year at RIT. Will I make it through with my sanity intact? That has yet to be known...
On the random list of shit to do:
- turn in lab notebook for tissue culture
- turn in 3 lab reports for orgo
- finish experiment for undergrad research
- pray I get results for said experiment
- type up and turn in winter quarter progress report
- find a ride to the airport for next thursday (yes a 7am flight)
- cry if I don't
- find out what the hell happened to my paycheck for last week cas I sure as hell didn't get a direct deposit
- call my sister and check on her
- get to the gym!
- finish, print, and turn in my assignment for applied voice
- practice singing my Italian aria for applied voice
- breathe in...
- breathe out
ps. Most of this has to be done in the next 24-48 hours
that is all
What have I learned tonight?
1. even though the person that introduced you to heavy drinking can too one day end up as a two-beer queer
2. patrick is a CHEERLEADER!
3. spicy meatloaf and cardboard mashed potatoes are really good at 4am
4. people passed out on the couch apparently fart in their sleep
5. i'm a good friend b/c i keep people from making bad decisions, and clean up other people's apartments that are trashed by partying
with that, passing out sounds like it would be amazing... yeah, I'll go do that
So my roomate bought guitar hero which we have for our Wii.... that game is big trouble! So I took it upon myself to beat it on easy (yes cas I'm a whimp). Now that it's over with I can get on with the rest of my life.
But many things have happened this fall quarter!
Um for starters, I am a TA for the evolutionary Biology course, and my students love me. I'm also doing undergraduate research and have never worked so hard in seven weeks just to produce one graph (yes, it took that long). I am excited about my project though. This time next quarter I'll be presenting my findings and not long after I'll be PUBLISHED. Yes, it's the P-word.
I'm also a soprano for Gospel Ensemble here, and it's been a wonderful experience. Although I must mention that our director's father passed away last sunday and we are all very sad about that. Our first concert went quite well I think, even if I had no voice the next day.
I had emergency surgery at the end of september to get my gall bladder taken out
My voice coach has been flaky all quarter
I miss my family
I got a job at DSW!!!
John and I celebrated 1 year together on the 23rd!
I've been getting better at playing Wii sports (yes my roomies got a nintendo wii)
I'm learning how to canter in horseback riding-- and it is amazing
And with all this going on I am a very busy woman. This week I had my second organic chemistry exam, and this morning I had an exam for Invertebrate zoology. Monday I've got to be prepared to do a presentation on the ontogeny of the holothurian larval nervous system, and then spend all week attempting pigment cell counts of E. tribuloides embryos grown at 3 different temperatures.
*sigh* so that is my very busy life. And it only gets tougher. Here's the plan for next quarter:
Tissue Culture (5 credits)
Genetics (4 credits)
Intermediate Spanish II (4 credits)
TA for Developmental Biology (1-2 credits)
Undergrad Research (2 credits)
Spinning -- b/c i won't get much exercise otherwise
And during all this I still have Gospel Ensemble, and prep for the Unity House Fashion Show in February
Yeah, so I turned 21 about eight days ago... meh. It really isn't all it's cracked-up to be, although I must say it is now terribly convenient whenever I want to go to a bar or club or restaurant and just have a drink.
So I been thinkin about some things, realized that my cousin Chrissy was right: girls really are back-stabbing bitches. But don't get me wrong, they aren't all that bad. It's just that many will turn on you, or forget you, or become instant enemies without your knowledge as to why. And all one really can do is sit back and think: wait, do I give two shits about any of this? I take it as a sign that I don't need them in my life.
Now for the ladies who have been wonderful-- THANK GOD for you being around! You haven't become bitter because I'm in a relationship when you got dumped, and I thank you for understanding when I disappeared into my laboratory at school. And if you stuck around even though crew team swallowed my life whole last year, you must be some special women. Friends can truly be amazing.
That said, my new passion is singing, and I will be singing a lot this year, beginning with voice lessons in the fall. I also want to dance more often. I bought a bollywood dance dvd and it's amazingly fun - I think my Indian friends will see me at a lot more festivals this year!
And so, like every year, I am making some changes. My latest inspiration has stemmed from Jennifer Hudson in the movie "Dreamgirls" -- an amazing movie by the way, and she sings the hell out of the finale -- and also Lauryn Hill. Two powerful women who had the same strokes against them in this world that I do, but found a deeper joy in something else and turned everything around.
"Now hear this mixture, where hip-hop meets scripture
develop a negative into a positive picture..."
Almost forgot, it's getting to be my 10-month anniversary soon, and I get to see my baby in a week! :)